Caregiver Syndrome

My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer a few months ago. Last Friday, he had the last of his 35 radiation treatments. Two days ago, he had the last of 6 chemotherapy treatments.

A few moments ago, I Googled “caregiver syndrome.” I wasn’t sure whether or not that actually existed, but I figured I was suffering from it if it did. It does, and I am. According to CNN, the symptoms are depression, anxiety, anger, and declining health. Let’s throw in exhaustion and fear while we’re at it.  While this condition is also referred to caregiver burnout, it didn’t take me any time at all to get burned out. Except for the exhaustion, it was all there for me as soon as I heard the word “cancer” and my husband’s name in the same breath. Within just a few weeks of starting to navigate the cancer maze, exhaustion did in fact set in, and I haven’t had time to get over it yet. It will be three months before the next PET scan to see if the cancer is really gone.  I don’t think my depression, anxiety, and anger are going to magically disappear in the next day or two.

As for my own declining health, I have been suffering greatly from A Knot in the Pit of My Stomach. I don’t think that’s an actual medical condition, but it’s been real to me, accompanied by chronic diarrhea, and by chronic I mean a dozen times a day, with intermittent bouts of nausea when Fear takes over. I diagnosed myself with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, although I tried to jokingly think of it as Scared Shitless Syndrome. There’s nothing like hearing that the love of your life is seriously ill and knowing that he might die.

Yes, it made me depressed, anxious, and angry. I am not the crying type. I have gone years at a time without crying over anything, but in the past few months, I’ve probably shed more tears than I have in the rest of my life all put together. I’ve been angry…angry that Champ had cancer, and angry at the insurance company for jacking us around, and angry that people who are already under stress have to have the added stress of dealing with them.READ MORE…

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